Cast In Order Of Appearance:

Announcer
Reporter
Charolais

SFX: opening Time For Cows theme music

ANNOUNCER

Cows from France in Texas? Today we're talking about the Charolais.

SFX: moo

REPORTER

Here we are in Texas and standing next to me is a Charolais, a white cow that originated in west-central and southeastern France.

CHAROLAIS

Bonjour, that is correct. We stayed pretty much in one area until the French Revolution, except for that one time –

REPORTER

Which time was that?

CHAROLAIS

The time when a herd of us was taken to the Nievre province and we were called the Nivemais –

REPORTER

Is this going to be like one of those La Bohème things?

CHAROLAIS

Pardon?

REPORTER

One of those La Bohème things. You know, where the character sings an aria saying that they call her Mimi but her name is really Lucia.

CHAROLAIS

What are you talking about?

REPORTER

You are a Charolais cow, right?

CHAROLAIS

That's what I said. Yes. A Charolais.

REPORTER

Because I don't want our listeners to get confused. Now the Charolais are white in color –

CHAROLAIS

Mais oui! We are white. I, myself, am a creamy white, so much nicer to the eye. And we have long bodies and we are also good milkers.

REPORTER

So you're originally from France but you came into the United States via Mexico. Why is that?

CHAROLAIS

It's closer.

REPORTER

Ah –

CHAROLAIS

Yes, it is definitely most closer. Haven't you ever looked at a map? You look at the map and there you have France, and there you have the United States, and there you see all this blue water in between.

REPORTER

Yes, but –

CHAROLAIS

And when you look at the United States and Mexico, what do you see?

REPORTER

Uhm –

CHAROLAIS

You see a very very thin blue or black line in between. It's closer. Mexico is definitely closer to the United States than France. It's a silly question.

REPORTER

Excuse me?

CHAROLAIS

Your question. It's a silly question. And cows don't swim that well. We have hooves for standing, not flippers for splashing about in the ocean. You have silly questions. Why did you become a reporter?

REPORTER

Uh, . . . because I like finding answers?

CHAROLAIS

You're silly. Even your answers are questions. I'm a Charolais cow. Our impact on the North American beef industry was huge. Look it up.

REPORTER

Okay.

CHAROLAIS

Now go away. I have some aggressive grazing to do before it gets chilly.

REPORTER

Uhm, okay. Bye now.

SFX: moo
SFX: closing Time For Cows theme music

©2006-2023 Lishka DeVoss/Kranky Kids®

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